the silence that could never be broken

There are just so many things that i wish to tell someone but somehow, i just feel that i can't. Its such a heavy burden just to bear. Family and friends sees me as some happy-go-lucky dude who can use the sky as a blanket if the sky falls, but just how many people know the real me.

I'm tired. I really am. Its this facade that i put on everyday, this fake smile that could fool every other person but just not myself. I know that deep down inside, there's just this something that's troubling.

Sometimes i wonder to myself, why did i ever have to choose this path.

I'm numb.

Numb - Linkin Park

i'm tired of being what you want me to be
feeling so faithless
lost under the surface
i don't know what you're expecting of me
put under the pressure
of walking in your shoes
[caught in the undertow / just caught in the undertow]
every step that i take is another mistake to you

i've
become so numb
i can't feel you there
become so tired
so much more aware
i'm becoming this
all i want to do
is be more like me
and be less like you

can't you see that you're smothering me
holding too tightly
afraid to lose control
cause everything that you thought i would be
has fallen apart right in front of you

[caught in the undertow / just caught in the undertow]
every step that i take is another mistake to you
[caught in the undertow / just caught in the undertow]
and every second i waste is more than i can take

but i know
i may end up failing too
but i know
you were just like me
with someone disappointed in you

Guess this is how i feel right now. Sigh.

Of results and unhappiness.

Today, the results for the GCE 'A' levels examination was released. Of course there were the happy ones, people who scored 3 distinctions or more and nevertheless, there were the sad ones.

Years ago, i happened to be part of the sad bunch. After getting back my results, i was disappointed for i know i reaped what i sowed. I thought with the little intelligence of mine i could leave it and make a mad dash at the eleventh hour but how wrong i was. My results sucked and naturally that couldn't qualify me for the Universities around.

Enough talk about me. Now, someone which i deem close to me got her results back, and it wasn't what she hoped. She's sad, and i am too. That's because i just feel so helpless. I want to help her tide through this tough time but because there are certain complicated issues which might arise, i wasn't really able to. I really want to be there for her, to be her pillar of strength for her to lean on for i know that's what she needs the most right now for i have walked through the path with no one to turn to.

Sigh. I wish i could be there. :/